My underwear smells like fireworks.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
