It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
