If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
too bad you live with your parents still
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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