Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
