We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's never too late to be topless.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
