Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
