One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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