Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
