Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
