every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
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Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
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I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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