How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
