I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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