Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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