So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
