Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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