Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
