My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
