there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
