the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
