i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
