i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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