Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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