How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
