but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
