I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
