To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
