dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
