She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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