So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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