its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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