I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
