When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
