kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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