And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
