he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
