i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
