Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish you could order shots online.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
