just come out here and I will go home with you...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
