Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
