Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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