You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i need some magic done to my vagina
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
