I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
