I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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