Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
