Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
