Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We had sex on a dog bed..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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