yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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