If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
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Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
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