Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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