I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
