At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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