What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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