I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish you could order shots online.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
