I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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