My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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