with your own penis?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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