I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize