Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
