Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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