Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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