he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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