I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
