Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
