cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
