ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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