i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
