I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
