I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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