She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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