I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
