His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
