His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
