dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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