I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am available for nakedness
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
