girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
