I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
