I seem to have left my pride at pride
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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