you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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