Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
