Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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